Notion: Lyrics
Notion: Lyrics
Words and music for all songs written by Barbara Kessler, © Copyright 1996 Purple Turtle Music BMI. All rights reserved.
Remember that last night
Of take-out Chinese
The kitchen packed the boxes stacked so neat
We never had much to divide
No future left to decide
You never cracked the fortune cookie
If a tree falls and you don't hear it
If you refuse to turn the page
Does the story end anyway?
When I remember certain things
I hear them with your voice
Though we're apart you're still a part of me
There was no choice
Like river rolling forward
Gathers from the shore forever changed
Chorus
Remember that hurricane...
By now I know it's true
It's too late to take my time
A boat just left it could have been mine
But I never knew
At my age I should know better
I should have a winter coat
I should have had at least
one kid by now (by now)
I can't look back yet
But I don't look forward to as much
Oh I can't turn back the page
At my age
I had a picture of a life
from the pages of a magazine
Or maybe some commercial I'd seen
One too many times
And now the picture's even clearer
though the vision's not as good
I want to see the face I should
When I look in the mirror
Chorus
At my age
At my age
Now all of my heroes are
Younger than me...
Never used to think in terms of failure
Never used to cry at weddings
Always had trouble forgetting
Now there's too much to remember
Chorus
Do I have to tell you everything I think
Open book, broken wing
Do I have to show you what I really want
Wounded dog, hounded heart
I'll give you an inkling
Spare you a notion
Nothing more
You get what you pay for
Please don't ask me what it's all about
Pierced from the inside out
I don't think I could say just how it feels
Arching flower, reckless wheel
Chorus
I let you pin me down more than any other
Wrestle meaning, win a lover
Promise not to kill this silent conversation
Infect it with some expectation
Chorus
Forces quietly conspire
To keep me in this place, no higher
I burn through these fields like wild fire
Carolina
Well I'm the one from outer space
I see the question on your face
But will you pick me up if I fall from grace
Carolina
It seems the further south you go
The less unsure the more they know
The whiskey burns and the crosses glow
Carolina
Well I'm the one who's so afraid
The accusation on my face
But who will pick me up if I fall from grace
Carolina
Tonight's a night for UFOs
You don't believe me, yes I know
Well they'd probably just turn and go
Carolina...
I go to work in the evening
It's not your typical gig
If I smile they believe me
If I lie who'll suspect a thing
I read about me in the paper
I memorize every word
About me
Me...
I'm hardly ever home these days
But when I am you're always there
Please don't be a waste of my time I pray
This time I'll be more aware
The thing we have in common is what we love most to do
Talk about me
Me...
I go to bed so exhausted
I rarely remember my dreams
But when I do it's awesome
Every character is played by me
Me...
Sister Mary Madeline
My body's turned into a thing
Like some machine
A clock that keeps you up
I try and muffle it with flannel and with musk
You say "this too will pass"
But I remember laughing
When nobody was looking
Oh I didn't know it then but I was free
You can't prove a prayer does anything for me
Mr. Caligiuri said
"In silence there is assent"
I didn't know what he meant
I said nothing so agreed
Well he's the only one like me here
But my conscience is clear
Chorus
Last night I had a dream
Though I mostly don't remember
I was barefoot on the altar
And I woke up feeling clean
Sister Mary Madeline
There's nothing I should be ashamed of
She doesn't think we're crazy
She says "no, that's too easy
It's just that no one ever tells you it's this hard to love"
We can gather in a circle
With our feet up on the table
And wonder will it ever be the same
7:30 Jane's last day
Now somewere careful not to have expectations
And some were quick to give themselves away
Now sometimes one girl's sword is another girl's sadness
And sometimes weakness is your best protection
She smiles but says nothing
And we know she gives us something
That nobody could ever take away
Chorus
She spoke more than usual as if to leave us something
To savor when her memory would fade
I said I never wished for something
That didn't scare me half to death
She said "with nothing left to fear , you'd wish for nothing"
Chorus
Well It's been years since I've been on a date
You said seven-thirty but you'll probably be late
And I'll pretend I wasn't waiting by the window
And you'll comment on the parking
And you'll ask about the photo
Oh I had pie in the sky dreams
When you catch up with your future
It's never what it seemed back then
Making mountains out of molehills again
And over dinner you'll tell stories
And I will smile and nod politely as always
And nothing you say will remind me
But there it will be like footsteps suddenly behind me
Now you might ask "Is something wrong?"
Oh if I let you you'd find it out before too long
It's not that I have regrets
I'm just no good at stories that haven't ended yet
Chorus
And then you'll walk me to the front door
It's always just one moment that decides your evermore
And if you kiss me, or if you don't
I'll wonder what that means and if you'll call or if you won't
Chorus
Oh Kathy, whatever happened to you
Are you really happy letting this guy tell you what to do
You always had the last laugh
You always had the last laugh
Oh Kathy
Are you laughing now?
Who knows how we were broken
Who can say just when
You started smokin'
And I stuck to the plan
I was frantic for approval
Like a moth around a flame
I thought you were too cool
But now I know you just hid your shame
Chorus
In that condo outside Portland
Where I saw you last
He did all the talkin'
Couldn't get down to the past
Oh I know why I'm uneasy
'Cause I can't pin down the change
We're never quite what we seem
But, now, you might say the same...
Chorus
Now forever can never be the same
It echoes with the sound of broken name
And the howl of AM radio
On some lonely late ride home
No matter where love goes no one's to blame
To the one I once loved
With these hands do not erase
Cannot replace but with grace
Go on
You took me up the mountain
In search of some eternal fountain
I'd never seen such blue before
I wondered if there could be more
And you warned me if I looked too deep
I'd fall in
To the one I once love
There's you're anger, here's my need
In the crack between still grows the seed
Of love
I think of you now that it's springtime
The earth is melting I cannot hide
Now the seasons pretend
That it's easy to start again
Like new moons and blooms and tides
To the one I once loved
You're the one I once loved
With these hands do not erase
Cannot replace but with grace
Go on
I pull over to fill up again as if you ever can
This empty tank is just a lousy metaphor
Oh where are you now I wonder
You're somewhere under this
Big sky, big sky
Big sky, big sky
The same one over you and me
We took this trip together once, counted graveyards and horses (minus one)
If someone told me then that we'd be strangers now
I'd have said they were lying
Who knows why I'm crying
No place for hiding
Big sky, big sky
Big sky, big sky
The same one over you and me
I'm still on the road
Call it searching for home
Or call it running away
You don't have to go very far to feel like a stranger
Take comfort in your car and supermarkets
are the same everywhere
Collect the truth like souvenirs
Leave some proof you were here under the
Big sky...